That Night
by lavenderskyxx
Summary: Sequel to This Night. Post-VWD. "Maybe they could do this, being together without being together. "
1. Chapter 1

Hey, so this is a sequel to my story This Night. I had written that story before VWD came out, and I was pleased that it could still fit within the movie's events. Anyway, this happens two years later, when Casey returns from New York after living out her dream and comes back to Queen's .. and Derek.

The first time she sees him she's not sure what to think. Though, that's not true. She thinks he hasn't changed at all, and honestly that should infuriate her. She had pipe dreams about him going to college and changing for the better as a person. But that wasn't what she really thought. That's just what she tells herself she would think when she saw him again.

But now seeing him there, standing on the campus grass with his friends with a lazy smirk gracing his features, any kind of thought process becomes null and void. She only feels. She only feels the way her throat seizes, the way her breath hitches and the way suddenly, she's hearing faint sounds of water and waves pushing and pulling beneath the pier.

Like it did that night.

She feels the urgency that she knew he too felt that night, coursing through her veins and she bites her lip worriedly. She thought she had prepared for this moment, but it was clear she was in over her head the moment he turns to meet her gaze.

It kills her when he looks away, his almost girlish eyelashes fanning his cheeks. But then he looks at her again, his eyes darkening in a way they only did once that night and she's back to life. She tries to smile, but it disappears within a second and she's running away.

/

The second time she sees him, she thinks she's successfully hidden from him but she's horribly wrong.

"Was that you that I saw running like a crazy person?" His eyes are crinkled at the sides and he's smiling. Part of her is relieved because two years doesn't seem to have changed his way of speaking to her, yet part of her is irritated because she's not really sure what she expected him to say.

She's not really sure he expected to ever see her again.

She wouldn't have blamed him - even though she made him promise to always be in each other's lives, she took up and left with Jesse without so much as an explanation or the strained physical contact they practiced in front of their parents. She just stood there with her grandmother, explained that she was going off to New York and she could only avert her gaze when she noticed his hand form a fist and his face blanken.

So yes, she certainly wouldn't blame him if he cursed her existence (for real this time) and only thought of her as his annoying, keener step-sister (he already did, but there had been so much more).

She takes solace in the fact that he's not chewing her out for basically running away from whatever it is they shared that night, even if they had sworn to never talk about it. More importantly, to never repeat it.

It's not like she went with Jesse because of what happened, the choreographer had already approached them and she had been estatic. For some reason, the first person she had wanted to tell was Derek. He would tell her that he'd gladly take her spot at her all girls residence, and that he hopes she and twinkle toes don't fizzle out lest he has to see her again.

However, it went in an entirely different direction that ended up irrevocably changing their relationship.

So for him to call her a crazy person like the last two years didn't happen, is puzzling.

"Oh," she says, slightly out a breath with a nervous laugh, "Hey, Der, didn't see you there." She frowns, did she really have to rhyme?

"I was under the impression you did, seeing as you totally bolted." He crosses his arms, in that typical like, _'jeeze Casey, are you an idiot or something?_' motion and she doesn't even feel the urge to roll her eyes like she normally would have. He just looks so handsome and more mature and her current state of breathlessness isn't only caused by her running like a crazy person.

She leans against the beige brick wall, and gazes up at the top of the arch they're standing under. She feels sort of lost, because they're certainly not at home or London and the whole unfamiliarity of the situation is knocking her down a peg or two. She really wants to say something to him, like why she left or why she didn't contact him, or why she's suddenly here (or how her heart is thundering in her chest because of his presence).

But she's nervous. And it's Derek. This doesn't make sense.

"Can you explain something to me?" he says, cutting into the momentarily silence caused by her decidedly lack of a response. She nods quickly, giving him the control because she's clearly lost all of it the moment she ran away.

"If my eyes don't fool me, we're standing in the middle of campus right now. Queen's campus to be exact." he lets his arms fall and begins to pace in front of her. Her eyes fall to his backside and she blushes because she's never blatantly checked him out before. The blush deepens when she looks up and he's smirking.

"And, while I remember a time when you were supposed to be here, that all about changed, didn't it _Case_?" She's surprised to hear no bitterness in his voice, and her heart falls for a moment before she sees that his eyes have lost some of the warmth he was regarding her with earlier.

"So...?" he waves his arms, gesturing to her and their location, as if to ask her what the hell she's doing there.

"So, I'm back!" she says, and she knows she hasn't mistaken that crack in her voice.

"You're back." he replies dryly, looking at her with a deadpanned expression.

"Yup. Back here. At Queen's of course," she giggles awkwardly, "Starting second year and all."

His eyes narrow and she swallows. This was just weird. Like, they didn't know each other weird, and their conversation was admittedly strained and uncomfortable.

"Where are you staying?"

"What?"

"You know, where are you going to crash, take up residence, and anally clean everything daily." He explains in a slower voice.

"Ugh! Don't even get me started on that. They're taking a really, really long time to process my residence application - obviously because it's already welcome week and I haven't been assigned a room yet and it's a whole entire mess and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I mean _really_, can't the administration be more competent at the university level?" She's breathing hard, her face turning red and he's just watching her amused.

"It's good to see you, Casey." he says in a softer than normal voice, but with an edge to it, and she looks at him directly to see a smile playing at his lips and she can't help but smile back. He completely ignored what she said, but he managed to calm her in about the same time she began to freak out.

She wonders if she should repeat the sentiment, and maybe even reach out to hug him, but she's not certain of the rules of their relationship anymore. Do they act exactly like they did before that night, or are the lines blurred now?

Instead, she opts to nod slowly, a brilliant smile spreading across her face. "It's good to be home, Derek, even if it's not London."

She kind of regrets saying that, because she somehow knows he'll take that to mean she feels at home wherever he is.

And he does.

What she doesn't know is that Derek sort of, kind of, feels exactly the same way about her. He takes in a breath to hide the smile threatening to overtake his face, and he begins to walk.

"Wait, where are you going?" She freaks out for a second because she thinks that maybe he's left her to fend for herself (and left her for good).

He turns and raises his eyebrow, "Girls naturally follow me, so I was kind of expecting..."

She has to roll her eyes this time, and jogs up to catch up with him. Falling into step, she looks up at him and notices the bright September sunlight playing with the amber strands in his hair.

It scares her that her feelings haven't changed.

And it only occurs to her then that she had been scared this entire time, that she had left not only to pursue her dreams, but to throw away the feelings she had for him. Because if she was honest with herself, she'd realize that she couldn't possibly be around Derek, knowing what they both knew about each other.

It wasn't simply about the temptation of repeating what they did that night, it was more about the hurt that accompanied that temptation of knowing that they couldn't.

/

She's sitting on his couch, and he's a little (a lot) concerned that he's only now checking her out.

She hasn't changed very much, except that she's grown out her hair again and he's really happy about that for some reason. That summer was short haired Casey, and the Casey he said certain things to and could never take back.

Her lips are moving and sounds are coming out he's sure, but he's taking in the way they're glistening and plump and just about making him crazy.

He feels his pants tighten just as she screeches, "Are you even listening to me? God, you haven't changed at all." But that crazy light in her eyes that she gets when she's angry sort of dissipates and she adjusts her position on the couch.

He realizes it's because she knows exactly what he's feeling right now. They're able to read each other just a little too well, especially after, well, that night. It seems exhaustive to think about it so much, but it felt like everything returned to that night, because it was when they opened up to each other and the last time they really spoke to each other, on volumes they'd never gone to before.

Breathing in, Derek clears his throat and looks away. "Look, why don't you just crash here?"

"Do you really think that's a-"

"Case."

"What?"

"Don't make this difficult. It's what the family would want me to do anyway."

She's confused, because it's also kind of the opposite of what the family would want, if they knew anything about the situation anyway.

"Okay... but we'll have to set some ground rules." she says, agreeing surprisingly quickly. He looks at her sort of shocked that she didn't put up more of a fight, and his mouth feels dry because he knows what could happen.

This wasn't a fucking movie though, he thinks angrily. His step-sister who he's been in love with for years and confessed to, leaves and returns two years later, and happens to not have a place to live. Then they kiss and make up and live happily ever after.

Yeah, _no_.

His hand forms a fist, much like it did that day she announced she was leaving and he feels defeated because he's not sure if he should push for a fairy tale ending, or if he should leave well enough alone and forget it.

Because you know, their reasons for not pursuing their relationship is just as valid now.

But he wants to push, he wants to push so badly it hurts and he feels it spreading in his chest and clawing at his stomach. His want for her, his need for her.

He doesn't know why he doesn't hate her for leaving, for leaving him all alone for the first time since they met. It had been like living a different reality, because she wasn't in it and nothing really made sense.

Then he caught a glimpse of her that morning and he felt all the built up resentment fading away second by second as they stared at each other.

She was so fucking beautiful and as he looked at her in that moment, he felt like an idiot for having to constantly hide his smile. It was harder being aloof and guarded around her now, because she knows. She knows how he feels about her.

Part of him liked it when she didn't know, because he could still act like, you know, he wasn't a girl. But kissing her that night, tasting her and feeling her, telling her finally after all those years; that freedom was worth all the moments he would act like he had grown a uterus in the future.

She's staring at him, and her eyes are really blue right now, and he really wants to kiss her. Clearing his throat, again, he says "Hey, what do you want for lunch?"

She shrugs. "I doubt you have anything, if the way you used to eat is any indication."

He snorts and pulls out fixings for sandwiches. "I'm not an ogre you know." he says a little defensively, and she's quiet because she wasn't expecting that. It seems they both have changed in small ways.

"Hey, what about my ground rules?"

"You know for a keener, you're easily distracted." he smirks, and she just laughs, feeling happy that she can be with him like this.

Slapping mayonnaise on the bread, he looks up at her to find her smiling at him and he smiles back, something he wouldn't have done easily before.

Maybe they could do this, being together without being together.

/

Okay, maybe she can't do this. It's been a week since she's lived with Derek and to say that things were tense was an understatement.

It wasn't so much a bad tense, as it was a good tense. What is she even talking about? She's so tempted to make a pros and cons list that her fingers are twitching for a pen, but she learned in New York to cool her tendencies to overanalyze everything and to just go with it.

Of course, being around Derek brought out a lot in her that she'd previously left behind.

Classes were starting up too, which also put her on edge and he's always giving her grief for being so wound up. But can he blame her?

They had already gone through the cliche awkward moments, such as reaching into the bowl of popcorn at same time when they were watching a movie the other night. Or running into him in the hallway after she'd taken a shower. Granted, that had happened before and her immediate reaction was the same, a warmth spreading throughout her stomach and embarrassment in the form of red creeping up her face. She didn't miss his look of approval either (both times).

It also didn't help that they seemed to be touching all the time, even more than they used to. His hand seemed to be permanently attached to the small of her back, and her hand sometimes finds itself on his thigh when they're sitting down on the couch together (without an inch between them to speak of). He doesn't even mind hugging her now, which should freak her out and make her wonder if she's just living with someone who looks and speaks like Derek.

So the tension she's talking about? _Yeah_, it's sexual.

It's always been sexual, but now it's so outrageously blatant and she's not sure what to do with herself or what to do about the situation.

In that regard, it's definitely unresolved but what in god's name can she do? She feels trapped because Derek is pretty much the only person she knows in this town so far, and there isn't an Emily around the corner to lament over her feelings with.

Besides, talking about Derek with Emily would be seriously uncomfortable.

She can't just leave this alone and ignore it, she's not Derek. And hell be damned if she's not going to do something it.

He's just tossed the soiled tissues in the garbage when she comes barging into his room. Quickly zipping up his pants, he tries to look nonchalant and thankfully she's so flustered that she doesn't notice a certain smell in the air.

They've only been together once so the chances of her remembering that smell is slim to none. He frowns because he shouldn't be thinking about something as perverted as this and focus on what she's saying, but now he's thinking about their time together and things are happening in places that they shouldn't be.

"Derek, I think you should start listening."

"What?" He sounds annoyed, but she ignores it.

"We need to talk."

"Are you _breaking up_ with _me_?"

"What?"

"Relax, babe."

"Don't-" she stops herself, because she's still getting used to not having to put up as many pretenses.

"Don't call me that, yeah, I don't think you actually care about that." He gets up off the bed, and walks over to where she's standing. She takes a small step back because his smell is a little too intoxicating and she doesn't think she can control herself in her current state of mind.

Her arms are flailing a little bit and he reaches up and wraps his hands gently around her forearms, causing her breathing to stop.

"What are you doing?" She squeaks.

"Preventing the hyperventilation that's about to happen." Her shoulders slump and she looks at the ground because she doesn't want to look at his face right now.

"I'm just fucking tired of this." She says so softly that he only manages to understand what she's said because he was watching her lips. His grip on her arms tighten slightly, then loosen, because he's never heard her swear before and he's confused, turned on and freaking out at the same time.

What is she tired of, why does she sound so defeated, and why is he so afraid of what she's about to say next?

"We should celebrate." He says, trying to keep a smile in his voice. "It's pretty hot when you swear."

She shrugs herself out of his hold on her, and his heart drops.

"This is what I mean, things are way too different between us and I'm not... I just, I don't know. It doesn't feel right." She's got his full attention now, and she looks so pretty right now that it breaks his heart a little more.

"I'm not following." He knows and understands completely, but he can't help but play dumb. She laughs but it sounds broken, and she goes to sit in his chair by his somewhat clean desk. She's not looking at him, but out the window where the sun is setting and there's an orange haze falling over them and the room.

It's completely silent except for the bell on a bicycle that goes by down below, and the whining of the hardwood floor as he walks back to his bed and sits by the edge, not taking his eyes off of her. Some of her hair is spilling onto his desk, and he wishes he could just go over there and touch her, hold her.

"You're not an idiot, Derek." She sighs, almost exasperated, but in a sort of quiet way.

"Thanks for acknowledging that fact, but you're not really getting to the point." He swallows, and his palms are starting to feel clammy.

She slams his hand down on the desk and he jumps slightly, and she looks straight at him, her eyes ablaze with anger.

"Shut up, just shut up for once. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The fact that we haven't talked, AT ALL. About anything. Not about what happened, not about Jesse, not about the fact that everything has just gotten worse since that night. We haven't even told the family we're living together. I mean, come _on_ Derek." She screeches and he can't find it in himself to find any of it amusing.

_"Okay..." _

Because he doesn't know what else to say. Yeah, it's amazing being with her again but it's also super weird that they haven't talked about the actual shit. Or the elephant in the room that embodies the obvious attraction they still have to each other.

"Okay, what Derek?"

"I agree with you."

"Yes, that's quite nice but that doesn't help." She sneers, and he is a little amused at this point because he feels resentment towards her building and it's just funny since she's the one that left without 'talking' about it, or resolving the situation.

"What do you want me to do, Casey? Shut off my feelings, go fuck another girl or something?" And he can't hide the bitterness in his voice anymore.

"Where did that come from?" she asks, her eyes wide with confusion and he can tell she's a little hurt for insinuating something of that nature.

"You brought up Jesse. No girl runs off with someone like twinkle toes and isn't fucking him, it doesn't make sense." He stops and changes his train of thought because he doesn't really want to hurt her. "You ruined me, Casey." And the look on her face indicates that he might have accomplished that anyway.

She stiffens, and her eyes get sort of glassy with unshed tears. Her mouth does that quivering thing when she's about to cry, and he's kind of reminded of when he'd first met her and she and Sam were breaking up every other day. She'd come down the stairs, her face all scrunched up and wet with tears, blaming him for her misfortune.

"What do you mean?" She hides her face behind her hands now, desperately wiping at the tears, trying to wipe away the creeping guilt she feels rising in her stomach and constricting her throat.

He leans back on the bed, and lays down looking straight up at the ceiling. Eying a crack in the off-white paint, he almost laughs because he's remembering how much she'd cried that night as they were making love for the first and last time.

He had bared his soul to her, broken down in front of her, he had simply been. Now she's acting like she's naive and clueless. They'd never really been unsuspecting about each other's feelings throughout the years and that hadn't changed now.

He was fully aware of how she felt about him. That night had been the missing piece of the puzzle of what he knew about her. He knew what she was like when she was in love with him. The thought should make him happy, but now he's miserable. Maybe if he knew that she'd stopped loving him, he'd be able to finally move on.

But part of him has always been holding onto her memory. The last two years had been filled with daydreams, with a hope that she would return and maybe they could work something out. Now she was back and yeah, maybe he was looking for that fairy tale ending, but fuck if that would ever happen without her freaking out.

"Casey, you left. _YOU left_. You made me promise to never leave you, and you left me. Do you want to know why I don't ask any questions about New York or Jesse? It's because I don't fucking care. You chose that over me, and yeah it's selfish, but you should know that I am by now." His gaze still hasn't left the crack in the paint, but he hears that her quiet sobs have stopped.

"What do you want me to say?" She breathes quietly, her voice cracking with every word.

He sits up and leans over, resting his elbows on his thighs, looking down at the ground. He regards her in the corner of his eye, and he almost breaks at the sight of her.

"I just don't know what you want from me. I don't think I can stop loving you." He mutters, and he shakes his head slowly because he can't believe he just said that. All of a sudden it felt like 'that night' had been one big long production that was still going. That the two years in between was just a prolonged moment of _'oh my god, what did we just do? We can't do this' _and now it was going back and forth between _'will they, won't they'_ with strong emphasis on the _'won't they'. _

Because their two year old brother was a living, breathing reality.

"I'm not asking that you do that, not at all. But... maybe I am." She sits next to him on the bed and her smell is infiltrating his senses. He takes a deep breath, and turns to look at her. She's so close that he can feel her warmth radiating onto his skin and her skirt clad thighs are brushing up against his. His heart is thundering in his chest and his arm instinctively goes around her and rests on the bed behind her.

He's positively drunk on the look in her eyes right now. He can tell she's saddened and doesn't want to be here, here with him, but at the same time, she wants him and it's beginning to cloud her judgement.

His hand is on her thigh first, squeezing softly yet urgently. Her breath hitches and she can't bear to move. Then his lips hit her neck, and he's breathing warm tufts of air onto her skin and it raises goosebumps all over her body.

"I never... I mean, nothing happened... with," she trails off because he's just licked a trail from her neck to the back of her ear and his hand is inching up her thigh.

"I know." He answers in a low voice, his fingers sliding against the edge of her underwear.

"Then why did you...?" Her eyes finally fall closed and she submits herself to the rousing and incredible feelings he's giving her. She thinks briefly that no one else could ever make her feel this way, and it's not only because he's a good lover in bed. There's a connection between them, an irreplaceable connection that's brought them to this very moment when they've tried so hard to ignore it.

"Because I hated you," He presses a kiss to her temple, dragging his lips down to her cheek and biting her tenderly. "I didn't know why you left. The last image I had of you was you leaving with him, knowing that he wanted you." He whispers before licking her bottom lip, and giving her a chaste kiss. "The hardest part was knowing that I loved you and wanted you in ways that he never could, yet he could have you and it would be _okay_." He clenches her thigh almost angrily as he says this, but then he releases his hold and runs a finger down her underwear, smiling against her jaw when he feels that it's wet.

She whimpers under his touch, and finally reaches for his collar and pulling him towards her, slanting her lips over his. They kiss fervently, and it feels like everything is hazy, and far too warm but neither of them wants to stop. They've both dreamt of this moment, thinking it was nothing but a daydream and never a possible reality.

Casey turns and throws her legs over his lap, grounding her hips against his. His reaction is immediate as he bites her bottom lip and grips her sides, sliding his hands over her ass and holding her tightly to him as if he's afraid this is a dream and he'll wake up at any moment.

"We can't do this..." She whispers in between kisses, clutching at his hair while he runs her hands up and down her back.

"We can do this, Casey. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells with you of all people, because we're so afraid of what will happen." He slides her hands into her hair, staring up into her face and lays back, flipping them over so that he's on top of her.

"But it's so hard." And she blushes when she feels evidence something else rubbing on her thighs. He smirks, but then it softens into a smile.

"I need you, Case. I just need you." He sounds so broken, and she feels tears pooling in her eyes because she can hear that same voice in her head. She needed him just as much.

/

Derek finds Casey sitting at the kitchen island in his gray button shirt and not much else. Her hair is all mussed, her cheeks pink from the morning chill and he thinks he's still falling in love with her.

"Coffee?" He asks, sitting next to her and kissing her hair. She wordlessly gets up, and walks over to the pot to pour him a cup. He feels happy, happier than he's been in a long time.

"I can't stay here." She's leaning with her back against the counter, looking down at the ground, avoiding his eyes.

It's hard for him to look at her now, too.

"Why?" He all but whispers, and he feels like he's 18, standing on the pier, listening to her tell him that he could have her for one night and never again.

"You know why." Casey mutters, her tone resentful and estranged.

He takes a deep breath, and brings the coffee cup to his lips.

"Then get out."

Taking a sip, he sets it down on the island before standing up. "I mean, I don't think I really have time for this."

He doesn't dare look at her face, and enters his room before slamming the door.

/

And it was true that I was truly failing

You were gone and I was home calling around

But nothing was found worthwhile


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, thanks so much for the reviews. I was honoured by the response I got, love this fandom. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

It was one of the most exhilarating, life-changing, brilliant experiences she's ever had but she can't help but think that it was tainted. Going to New York at the tender age of 18 to pursue a dream was something to be proud of, this she knew. Every day she had counted her lucky stars, thinking that sometimes fate really did smile on you and all you had to do was sit back for the ride.

But after the 10 hour rehearsal days, and petty fights with Jesse about who knows what, Casey would find herself thinking about the man she had left behind. The brown eyed idiot, she would think affectionately.

She would wonder how he was doing, and if he was owning the place like she knew he would at university. She wondered if he missed her, and if he resented her for her actions. She would dream about him, seeing them years into the future, hidden away from the world and being happy together.

She'd hear little snippets about him from the family, and that was all fine and well until her little brother came on the phone one day and talked about his big brother Derek. She knew it was wrong but even though she loved her baby brother to death, she couldn't help but feel bitter about his existence at times.

It was terrible of her, and she felt a deep acidic burn in her chest whenever she thought about it.

When she had finally come home, and made a pit stop in London before heading off to Kingston, she'd seen how much everyone had grown and changed while she was gone. It seemed as though she wasn't the only one feeling hateful about the situation, as Marti was less than pleasant with her. She knew it had to do with her older brother who was at university alone. Casey resisted the urge to even broach the topic with the pre-teen, because not only was it painful, it just wasn't worth the risk.

Finally she'd set on her way to university, and having done part-time school while in New York, she could go onto second year and only be a year behind Derek. It was stupid, but part of her thought that if she was too far behind him, that he'd graduate and there wouldn't be nearly enough time to get things back on track.

She wasn't even sure he would want to get things 'back on track', and she had no idea what 'on track' really meant.

"_Then get out_."

She's certain it didn't mean that.

_"I mean, I don't think I really have time for this."_

She's also certain that the situation she's found herself in is all kinds of messed up, and it feels foreign to her because she had a plan, a flimsy one at best, but she had one. One that involved reconnecting with Derek and putting their past behind them.

Sometimes people forget that the past is a culmination of time that makes you who you are in the present, and as much as you want to move forward in the future, sometimes you have to straighten out the wrinkles that are bleeding into the present.

It can be easy as fulfilling a mundane New Year's Resolution, or it can be as difficult as trying to maintain a semblance of a relationship with the step-brother you're in love with, but can't be with.

There's no guidebook, or Chicken Soup for the Step-Sibling's soul. There aren't any movies, or tv shows, or any recorded history that she's aware of, that's anything similar to her situation. She can't be held responsible if she has no clue as to how to go about all of it.

It's no secret that she loves him. And, it's no secret that he's still in love with her.

But now, maybe he doubted her feelings. Maybe he was beginning to lose his trust in her, for not leaving once, but twice.

And as Casey sat in her single dorm room which she finally got assigned, she's beginning to think that she's messed up the one good thing in her life.

Sure, she has an amazing mother and family, got to dance on stage in New York, and was her class valedictorian. But somehow, nothing felt like it compared to Derek and what she has with him. She thinks that if it were any other guy, her numerous flags of feminism and independence would go up and condemn it. But for some reason, Derek just breaks through any barriers.

He just understands her without trying, and she doesn't have to try to be someone she's not. She's completely and one hundred percent herself around him, because if she even attempts to put up a facade, he just rips them down and doesn't stand for it.

But now... now, she's so confused, and she doesn't know what she wants more: a stress free life where she's not with him, or a life with him where she's the happiest but everyone around her and her future are on the line.

Suddenly, she feels like a horrible person because maybe this means that she doesn't love him as much as he loves her, as he was willing to go the distance with her, to hell with everyone else.

_"Come on Casey, don't you wanna live a little... dangerously?"_

She bites her bottom lip anxiously, and wonders if she's made a huge mistake.

/

She left three days ago, and her coffee cup is still sitting on the kitchen island. Every time Derek walks into the kitchen, he sees it there and he pauses, a swarm of thoughts and memories entering his head and he can't find it in him to at least put it in the sink.

Part of him thinks that if he removes it from it's resting place, that she too would be gone. But well, he sort of already took care of that by kicking her out.

He'd paid his dues, and he didn't owe anybody anything, not even her it felt like (but he knows he'd do anything for her). His first years at university were a wake up call, sometimes constants weren't always constant and you have to become resilient to changes. He realized that once she left. His parents won't always be around, his siblings won't always be around, and she was already gone. Once those were gone, what else did he have? Roguishly good looks yes, but that didn't count for anything (much) in reality.

So one million cram sessions later with a dozen papercuts to prove it, Derek kind of ditched his slacker status. He told himself he wasn't doing it because he wanted to impress her should she ever come back and decide he wasn't good enough.

She still decided he wasn't good enough.

What did she want from him really? She came back to Canada like it was nothing, moved in with him like it was nothing, and slept with him like it was nothing. Then she just traipses out of there like he was a one week stand.

He gets it, polly preppypants doesn't do one night stands. So she acts all defiant and coy for the first few days, then she causes a whole dramatic scene, weaving you into her web before finally laying you.

But he knows it wasn't like that, but he's just so frustrated and angry with the situation.

He knows that she's scared of what this all means, the fact that the minute he kissed her that night, that everything would be changed and there was no going back.

He doesn't regret it though, he would still be sitting, waiting and wondering about her feelings for him and what could have been.

Opening the blinds on his bedroom window, he gazes out at the Kingston skyline and sighs deeply. He thinks he should be happy that she's well and probably had an amazing time in New York - he feels like an asshole for never asking - but he's bitter, and lonely, and he can't go on having these 'nights' of Casey and then being slammed into the real world.

But maybe that's what it has to be. Secret rendezvous in one of their old bedrooms when they go to visit the family and everyone's gone to sleep, chaste kisses after bi-monthly dinners, coming to each other's places when they're feeling lonely and can't resist the urge anymore.

It's hot sure, but kind of pathetic. He didn't want friends with benefits with his goddamn step-sister. Derek was an opportunist, he wasn't about to go and fall in love and not get the full deal, even if it included ridiculous monthaversaries and getting beat up when he forgets the real anniversary because he's so caught up with the other 'versaries'.

He just wants her, all of her, for a really long time because he just feels comfortable with her. He feels, at home with her, and he's not sure where else he wants to be.

_"Stop thinking, and start feeling."_

They had said this one sentence to each other at different points in time, and he wonders just why it was that she's deciding to do it in reverse order. Didn't he teach her anything?

/

Beep.

"_Hey .. Derek, um. In case you care at all, I'm living on campus now.. but maybe you knew that already. Yeah, so... I hope that you.. that you understand why I left. It's not because I don't, well, this is hard_." She takes a deep breath. "_I hope that we can talk sometime, you know, put the past behind us_." This part sounds rehearsed. He almost smiles. "_I know it wasn't easy those first few da_-"

And he pushes the end button because he doesn't feel like listening to her paltry promises and half-truths.

At this point it's been two weeks since she's left, and he distinctly remembers a conversation he overheard when they were teenagers, where she told Emily that the cooling off period after breaking up with a guy is at least two weeks.

He's smiles to himself thinking that Casey hadn't changed a bit, that her formulaic rules and plans are probably still anal and ridiculous as hell.

But then he feels stupid because why is he being lumped in with her stupid, douchebag boyfriends? They were never even dating. Moreover, he's not used to the Casey treatment, he's used to breaking all of her rules and experiencing her for who she is, stripped down to her very elements.

He throws his phone onto the bed, and walks through the apartment to the front door, grabbing his jacket. He doesn't really like his apartment anymore.

His room has just morphed into a myriad of images, the length of her neck, her parted lips and closed eyes. The silky expanse of her thighs wrapped around him, her hair fanned over his haphazardly placed pillows, the crescent moon marks left behind by her small hands on his sides and back.

His kitchen, where her cup has finally been cleaned and dried, but still remains separated from his things, sitting on the windowsill and being bathed in sunlight. He's reminded of all too recent memories of her walking on campus, the sunlight dancing and reflecting in her hair.

He hasn't seen her on campus since that day, and as he's walking along the cement pathways with his head down, deep in thought, he decides to look up because he feels a prickle at the back of his neck. She's standing under a street light, talking to someone but it's hard for him to see.

She's smiling and he diverts his eyes because suddenly the images aren't confined to his room anymore.

He can feel a slow burn building in his chest and collapsing in his stomach, and he reaches up to run his hands through his hair angrily.

He wasn't going to do this. He wasn't going to start acting like some desperate idiot.

_And I could stand here waiting_

_A fool for another day_

_I don't suppose it's worth the price_

_That I would pay_

_But I'm thinking it over, anyway._

He felt like he was barely breathing, and she had her hands wrapped around his throat.

/

Casey looks at him in the corner of her eye, feeling like she had just been sucker punched in the stomach. She wasn't expecting to see him. She looks back up at the guy from her anthropology class, her green eyes smiling down at her and she's almost feels sick at the thoughts she's having.

She has a choice. She could continue playing this game of _will they, won't they_ with Derek or she could proceed to cut things off and maybe one day, they could bury the past for good and start anew as something else.

They can start over, maybe not as _Derek and Casey_ but as friends who happen to be kind of related.

Or, she could lose him forever.

Part of her hates who she's become in New York, because she'd never do something like this before. She runs her hand down the nameless boy's arm slowly, giving him a coy smile.

But as soon as she sees Derek's outraged expression, she drops her arm and she feels like she didn't think this through nearly enough. She's always hurting him without reason and it hurts her to do so.

She excuses herself from her five-second decoy, and runs across the campus street to where he's standing. She's breathless, and she's not sure why. Probably because the guilt is killing her and the tears threatening to fall are constricting her throat.

"Derek, I didn't mean-"

He laughs bitterly.

"I know you too fucking well, Case."

"I'm just confused and, I'm not sure what I'm doing." She says desperately.

"Yeah, got that memo two weeks ago." He finally looks her in the eye and she bites her lip, drawing his attention to her mouth.

"What do you want me to do? You haven't been returning my calls, and this just doesn't feel right." She clutches at her books, itching to touch him, do _anything_.

They're standing five feet apart and when she tries to move forward, he clenches his jaw and she's rooted to her spot.

"What doesn't feel right? The fact that we're not talking or seeing each other? Oh, why does that sound familiar?" He says, his tone sarcastic and his expression blank. She sucks in a breath, and looks away. Why can't she do anything right?

"Look," he says after a few moments of silence, because he can't stand her lack of constant babbling that he's used to. "You've gotta stop asking me what I want you to do, you _know_ what I want you to do. But we both know that can't happen."

"Why can't you just understand what I'm going through, Derek? I mean fuck," she stops and he closes his eyes, he decides he doesn't like it when she swears.

"Just..."

"Just what? You think I don't get it? You think I don't wish Nora never got pregnant and made this mess ten times worse than it was before?"

"Derek! How dare you." She looks mad, but he knows otherwise.

"Don't how dare you me, Casey. You're too much of a priss to ever admit it, but you've probably thought the same way too." Her silence says everything. He rolls his eyes and lets out a frustrated groan.

"What are we going to do? I can't... I can't do what we want, I refuse." She murmurs.

"I can't have you, but I can't not have you either."

When he looks up at her to see if she'll correct his double negative, and she doesn't, she smiles and he feels his smile creep onto his face.

Her phone rings, and they're both startled by the sound of it and feel kind of weird standing there outside because they'd been focused so intently on each other for the past few minutes.

"Oh, hey mom."

He stiffens and looks away.

"...What?" she says, and he's forced to look at her again. Her face drains of all it's colour, and her lips begin to quiver. Fuck.

'What is it?' he mouths to her, and she just shakes her head. He fears for the worst.

"Yeah, he's with me. Okay, we'll get there as soon as we can." She ends the call and Derek grabs hold of her.

"What the fuck happened?" She's beginning to sob and he shakes her, because he's trying to distract himself from the images swarming in his mind. If something happened to Smarti, or his dad or _anyone_, he's going to lose his shit.

"Ryan."

"What happened to Ryan, Casey?" They both feel like shit, as mere minutes ago, they were talking about how they wished her mother never got pregnant.

"He, he ran out onto the street and even though the driver stopped... they didn't stop in time. He's so little and I just don't know, Derek, what are we going to do if-"

"Shut up, let's just go okay?" He kisses her forehead, and wipes her tears with the pads of his thumbs, holding her face.

They're in his car, and their hands are intertwined between the seats. It's Thursday night, and they both have classes tomorrow but none of it matters. Their family needs them. The orange tinted streetlights pass by over the car casting moving shadows over their bodies, and Derek squeezes her hand gently, feeling some pieces of his heart rejoin when she squeezes back.

But they know that as soon as they turn onto their quiet street in London, the dark trees looming over the road, that they'll have to let go. For the very reason they're returning, is the reason they can never be together.

The irony doesn't amuse him, at all.

/

_The sky is black and grey_

_These days keep on getting longer_

_You don't seem to play_

_Around my sandbox anymore._

_Kiss me at the gate_

_Like none of this had ever happened_

_We make believe today_

_But soon we will be back to normal._

_/_

When they get home, the house is dead silent. George is holding her, and she's just kind of speechless with tears streaming down her face. Derek is standing by them, daring himself to not look at her and he doesn't really feel anything but a certain emptiness burrowing in his stomach. The feel of Casey's hand in his is imprinted in his mind.

Edwin is by the phone, pacing, and Marti is sitting by herself by the unlit fireplace with her eyes closed. They all know that she's not asleep, as instead of throwing tantrums as she did when she was a little girl, she would become reserved and not speak to anyone.

Casey had asked earlier where Lizzie was, and they proceeded to explain that she was with Nora for support. It was past visiting hours, and Nora had forced them all to go home despite their protests.

The shrill ring of the phone comes as a relief yet as a burden. It could be good news, or it could be something else entirely.

Edwin answers.

"Hi, Nora. Yes, they're here." He glances up at Casey and Derek, a certain warmth entering his eyes at the sight of them but his face remaining stony. George releases his hold on her, and she looks up at him for a moment before looking away.

"She wants to talk to you, Case." Edwin passes the phone to her, and she takes it gingerly, holding it up to her ear. Derek comes up behind her, placing his hand at the small of her back, smoothing his thumb up and down her shirt.

If anyone's shocked, they don't say anything. Casey relaxes into his touch after a few moments.

"Hi Mom, how... how is he?"

"He's going to be alright." Her mother's voice sounds strained and tired, and Casey breathes a sigh of relief, smiling at the others in the room.

"What happened, can he come home soon?" The little blue eyed brown haired boy had stolen all of their hearts the moment he had been born, and the idea of him being away from home for more than a day was hard on them, especially Nora.

"He suffered a mild concussion, but he's awake and smiling right now. Some scrapes too, but nothing a Venturi can't handle." Nora speaks with pride in her voice, but her daughter can tell that she's ready to burst into tears at any moment, the day had been far too much for her. "But, they'll keep an eye on him tonight and tomorrow night, and he should be home on Saturday." She finishes quietly.

Casey's smile is brilliant, and she regains colour in her face. "Sounds good mom, we'll stick around until Sunday then, see the little guy you know?"

Nora laughs a little bit. "Of course dear, will see you soon. You and Derek stay out of trouble." She admonishes, and Casey's smile falters slightly.

"Sure mom, see you soon." She puts the phone down and turns to see all four of them watching her with questioning stares.

"He's fine, he'll come home on Saturday." She grins and wipes the stray tears off of her face, and reaches for them in a hug. Derek is reminded of the hug they all shared when they found out they were going to university together and that Ryan was coming into their world in mere months.

It was a bittersweet time then, no more bittersweet than now.

/

She finds him sitting on the back door steps, with a bottle in his hands as he looks up at the sky.

"What are you doing out here?" Her voice is quiet, and apprehensive. It had been a long day that tested their emotions greatly.

"Just thinking." He says, before slipping the bottle between his lips and drinking, then wiping his mouth with his arm. Smoothing the back of her skirt, she sits next to him, cautiously resting her head on his shoulder. Everyone is exhausted so they've gone to bed, and they were left with an eerily quiet house that they haven't been in together for two years.

"About what?" She asks, but she knows what.

"About us, about how our family nearly came apart today." His voice is oddly serious, and she takes a deep breath before sighing, knowing what he's going to say.

"Let's... start over, but first I have to..." He trails off, easing her up off his shoulder slowly and turning to look her in the eye. The moonlight is shining on one side of her face and he can make out the brilliant blue of her eyes. Dragging his hand into her hair, he pulls him toward her, licking her bottom lip and kissing her.

She moans softly, parting her lips to taste him. The tears start anew, and he feels his own eyes prickle with sharp tears.

They simply couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't about making a choice, it was about accepting reality. Their brother meant so much to them, and to think that they even resented his existence at one point in time, made them realize that maybe it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth hurting the wonderful family that they had.

Part of Derek knows that this won't be the last time he kisses her. He knows that they'll come together again, no matter where they are, or when they are. Because they're connected.

But as of now, they won't be _Derek and Casey_ anymore.

They break apart, and Derek searches her eyes one last time as someone who openly loves her. He's not sure if he'll ever love anyone else, so he wants her to know how much he does. Now, he has to stop.

"Hi, my name is Derek." He cracks a small smile, holding out his hand.

"Casey." She says, and she's smiling too.

All smiles and pleasantries aside, they were both hurting, but maybe they could find solace in their new relationship as friends and step-siblings.

/

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts._


	3. Chapter 3

Once again, thank you for the great reviews. I know things are shit for Derek and Case right now, but we'll see what happens. Enjoy! Oh, and I should probably list the song lyrics I've been using.

Death Cab for Cutie - Employment Pages; Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing; The New Monarchs - Kiss Me At The Gate; Eminem & Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie; Death Cab for Cutie - Tiny Vessels

/

"Why did you go, Case?" His question is kind of loaded, and she's not quite sure how to respond. They've been playing metaphorical charades for the past month, and the stint goes something like this: 'Forgetting the past and moving on as friends'. Which would be quite hard to portray in a simple game of charades, and quite frankly, it wasn't that easy in real life either.

She looks at him, daring him to at least clarify or elaborate on his question and he raises his eyebrow at her before clearing his throat. They're sitting at a local bar, it's a quarter past midnight, and they've spent the past few hours just talking, and drinking. Well, Derek's been doing most of the drinking (Casey most of the talking) and his buzzed smile only becomes wider when he convinces Casey to knock a couple back.

Sometimes they pretend they don't know that much about each other, when they pretty much know everything barring the time she was gone; and minute details of their childhood of which they've heard through anecdotes and weren't actually there to witness it.

He knows that she wasn't always this hot - okay, she was _always _hot but she certainly wasn't this confident in herself for a while there. He also knows that she's this crazy talented girl who goes after pretty much everything with a passion, a passion he has yet to see in anyone else in his life.

She knows that, even though he tries to hide it, that he's not just a good looking guy who's living it up at college and not doing much. She knows that he's going somewhere, and she's always known that. Granted, he did waste a lot of his time in high school and had to make up for it in his first year at university, but she'd always known he would finally get his shit together.

There are these things that they know about each other, things that not even just living together for their teenage years affording them the knowledge. They watched each other, observed each other and understood each other.

"Okay, let me rephrase that. You were a keener first, and a dancer second. Why did you go? I mean, I know you liked dancing but I also know you didn't like it so much that you would ditch university for it." His speech is very slightly slurred, so it takes the edge off of the incredibly profound thing he's just said to her. Being 'friends' now, he wasn't afraid to tell her things, like he was before when it would've looked like he cared too much. So even now he manages to surprise her, and she likes to think that's a really good thing.

Casey fingers the glass in her hands, looking down at the swishing liquid and her dim reflection in the darkened bar. She's honestly kind of speechless, because these are the same questions she asked herself when she left.

"I think... I think it was about, living in the moment, or something." She says, and he laughs making her wince. It sounds stupid even to him.

"Honestly, Case? I didn't even go to Europe, and I probably could have, but I decided to slum it out here oddly enough. So, 'living in the moment' sounds fine and all, but it's not you - that's me." He takes a swig of his drink, and sets it down on in front of him.

"A lot of things were happening at once. I was really happy when I found out about it and when I told grandmother, she supported me and told me that opportunities like that didn't come often." She threads the long strands of her hair in her fingers absentmindedly, not noticing the way it's caught Derek's eye. "And then, well, I think..." She stops herself, because she's going into dangerous territory and Derek's jaw clenches.

"Well, how about another round of drinks? Though, can you spot me this time?" He grins at Casey and then the bartender, who proceeds to raise their eyebrow at him.

"Derek, I've been 'spotting' you the entire night! You're a worthless heathen sometimes." She seethes, making sure he's watching when she tucks her wallet in her jacket.

"Whoa, that was way harsh Case."

"Have you been watching _Clueless_ again?"

They both stiffen at the mention of _that_ movie, and they smiled strained smiles at each other. So, maybe drinking together wasn't the greatest idea they've had so far.

"Because clearly, Casey can't handle it." Derek mutters underneath his breath.

"What was that?" She demands angrily, slapping his arm. And, they're back. He snickers quietly before leading her out the bar.

/

He shows up at her door three weeks later, and the sun is still high in the sky. She's kind of surprised since they have this habit of meeting with each other only at night, and she has no idea why. She does know that they never hang out at his place, seeing as it kind of held a lot of memories. (Derek eventually got rid of the cup). He says he's just finished his last midterm and that he thinks he's about to lose his shit, because 'Oh my god, third year sucks and why are you so calm? Oh yeah, keener thing'.

"Well, I have movies and twizzlers." She opens the door wider for him to come in, and he plops down on her purple bean bag that she has in the corner of her room near the door.

"Yeah, like Twilight and Dirty Dancing. No thanks. I once watched both movies in one night to get this girl, and boy that was a mistake. I had to check if my man parts were still attached." He laughs, and Casey just rolls her eyes, trying not to belie the creeping jealousy she feels.

"I assure you that while I do have Dirty Dancing, I do not have Twilight. How about... Sixteen Candles?" She grins, and enjoys the visible grimace on his face.

"You're killing me here, Case. I just had a stats midterm okay? Cut me some slack." He rubs his hands over his face, and Casey is trying not to think that he's cute as all hell. He's wearing a black form fitting jacket and a dark grey buttoned shirt, paired with dark jeans that's pretty much making her squirm like a schoolgirl. His hair has grown out since she'd last seen him, but it's nowhere near as long as it was in senior year.

"Okay, fine. Breakfast Club? You like that right?" Casey says hopefully. Derek closes his eyes, seeing crazy amounts of numbers and graphs swarming in his mind.

"Yeah yeah, sure, that's fine." He waves her off tiredly, getting comfortable in her bean bag.

/

It's around the time Bender proceeds to lose his shit talking about his father, and Derek, surprisingly sensitive, thinks outloud that a stats midterm can't be worse than that. Casey is sitting up on her bed, leaning against the wall and he's entranced by the way her hair in falling in her face, shielding her from his view. It wasn't the greatest view owing to the fact that he was sitting in a freaking bean bag, a purple one at that.

He shifts uncomfortably before she says, "Why don't you come up here? As much of a dog as you are and belong there, I'll be nice this time."

He takes in a deep breath. He hasn't been on a bed with her since 'that night', and he rolls his eyes when he realizes 'that night' isn't singular anymore. He has a creeping, and an admittedly pleasing yet terrifying thought that tonight will turn into one of those nights.

"You sure, 'cause I'm alright here?" He ends the sentence with rising intonation, and she stares at him blankly.

"Right. I'm sure, Derek." He does this laugh that's between a giddy laugh and a snort, before jumping on her bed and landing beside her, and she decides to not comment on his rather feminine moment lest she bruise his tender (and ginormous) ego.

/

"Bender is pretty badass."

"You say that every time we reach the end, it makes it feel less poignant and quite frankly it's annoying."

"Yap, yap, yap. Jeeze Casey, when one badass recognizes another badass, that's pretty poignant. I mean, didn't I teach you anything?"

"First of all, that's ridiculous and immature. Secondly, you've never taught me anything to begin with."

"Oh yeah, where's miss 'Oh De-rek, teach me how to be stupid!' or 'Danger is my middle name, purple fog he-he!'" He mocks in a shrill voice that's way too high and off base to be hers and she's outraged. He's also doing something with his hands that kind of looks like jazz hands, and she's beginning to wonder if he slipped something in his water before writing his exam.

"I'm so not going to dignify that mockery of a response. The mockery being your stupidity, not your shoddy attempt at mocking me."

He wags his finger at her. "Casey, Casey, Casey."

"Ugh! Stop it, I hate it when you repeat my name like that!" She shoves him lightly on the shoulder, and is shocked (not really) when he shoves her back. However, he's much stronger than her so she pretty much falls over on her side and looks up to see him sniggering.

By this time, the DVD has stopped the TV is silent with blue static filling the screen. She leans up on her hands and uses her feet to reach up and shove him in his side, causing him to fall over the bed, thankfully landing somewhat into the bean bag.

"And stay down there!" She shrieks loudly, huffing and fixing her hair.

"No, how about fetch?" Suddenly he's on the bed, grabbing her legs and trying to drag her down to the floor. He's not really paying attention to what he's doing since he's staring at the tanned skin above her waistband, revealed by her shirt that's been slightly pulled up. His vision moves up to her lips, that are plump and when she licks her lips, the hold he has on her calves tighten and he's fighting the surfacing thoughts. His mouth goes dry, and he shakes his head.

It's only been two months since the scare with Ryan, and they had made a vow to start over. He lets go, and she immediately falls silent and rigid on the bed, self-consciously smoothing her shirt down.

"It's late, I should probably go." He's not looking at her, but past her and for some reason it hurts.

She doesn't miss when he adjusts his pants, and she's ashamed when she realizes she's feeling smug about it.

"Yeah, call me later." She sits up and joins him by the door. He only notices then that she wasn't wearing a bra this entire time and he runs a hand through his hair. Was it always this bad in high school? He can't remember right now.

_We're friends, we're friends, we're friends._

His mantra helps a little bit, but then he thinks, but friends hug sometimes right?

"Yeah for sure, let's go drinking sometime." He says with a smile, and her eyes narrow.

"I doubt that's going to happen, but sure whatever." She shrugs, looking to the side, avoiding his eyes. She's so adorable when she tries to be nonchalant. He bites his lip, a habit he's picked up from her, and leans down to wrap his arms around her. He feels her almost immediately melt into him, and his heart does those strange flippy things he's gotten way too used to, when her hands move to his back.

When he finally lets go, they still have their hands on each other. Casey leans up and kisses him on the corner of his mouth, and he swallows audibly (she doesn't hear, but she sees his adam's apple anyway).

The pitter patter sounds of rain outside breaks the moment, and they let go quickly.

"Yeah so um," he shoves his hands in his pockets, and she backs away a couple feet.

"Yeah... so, here, I have an extra umbrella." She hands him a purple one, and he regards her with contempt. She struggles to keep from giggling, and a smile breaks out on his face.

"S'fine, I can handle some water." He turns and leaves before she can protest, throwing her a wave before closing the door.

The click of the closing door signals the slump of her shoulders, and a deep exhale. She had freaked out and bailed on him a second time because of the tension, and it seemed to be only getting worse as they became closer.

She's made a vow to handle it like an adult, but as she looks out at the now pouring rain, she just doesn't think she can hold out for much longer.

One thing's for sure though, she can't leave him again. Maybe it'll be like one of those awesome friendships where they use the attraction to make it stronger and eventually they get over it.

They can do that, right?

/

The first snowfall happens four days later. He's sitting at his kitchen island drinking hot chocolate (because it's badass), when he receives a text from her.

_'D, it's so beautiful.' _

He smirks, and contemplates being a total sap and saying that no she's beautiful, but instead he types out a short message.

_'Yeah.' _

And in that instant, he feels like all the resentment he'd built for this kitchen (_"I can't stay here." "Why?" "You know why."_) disappears and he can breathe again.

But if he's honest, all those bitter memories have already faded into simple memories of when she stayed there. And now, they were continuously building better, and warmer memories that he thinks he should probably cherish or something since he's not sure how long this'll last.

(He tries not to analyze the fact that they're practically dating, without actually dating. Can someone explain this to him?)

/

He's a man, a young man in fact. Young men have needs, and so when he's wringing his wrist and cracking his fingers one day, he makes a mental note to stop thinking about her so much. There's only so much his left hand can handle, and he's not ready to switch to the right one.

She catches him nursing his hand when they hang out, and when she asks what's wrong, he shoots her a look that he knows she must understand. If there's one thing he's taught her, it's to not be so naive.

He decides red is a good colour on her.

/

"So, we're doing this?"

"Yup, I don't know why we wouldn't." He shoves her suitcase none too gently into the trunk, and slams it with a flick of the wrist. She's irritated because he looks really sexy doing it and there's absolutely nothing she can do about it.

"I'm not so sure it's a good idea, why don't we just stay here? I mean, I know you want to leave because finals left supposed 'scars' on your subconscious, but... well... Derek!" She whines, and he pokes her in the stomach, making her pout. If he squints a little, he can imagine this is the conversation they would have right before they run away together and end up on some island with 3 kids and a strange animal, or Connecticut, whatever. But, they're only going home to the family because of winter break.

He knows why she's worried. The last time they were there together, they had put an end to whatever it is they had, and before that, it's where they fell in love in the first place so... memories, once again. But they can't just avoid it like Derek's place, they're going to have to face the music at some point or another.

"Casey."

"What?"

The street outside Derek's apartment is absolutely covered in white glittering snow, and the white pea coat that she has on _("You'll really have to check for your man parts if you get anything on this jacket, Venturi.") _is so trim and sexy on her, that he kind of prefers it on the floor next to the place where he's ravaging her. Her hair is full and falling in waves just the way he likes it, her cheeks pink and her eyes dark and framed by long lashes. He bites back a groan, and Casey is just staring at him because he's been silent for three minutes.

"Are you alright?" She says, and her voice just makes it worse. He's shaken out of his reverie when she raises her hand and asks him how many fingers she's holding up. His eyes narrow dangerously, but a smile is playing on his lips.

"Anyway, Case. We can do this. It's just the family, and it's just home. Nothing is going to happen, okay?" His hands are holding her shoulders, his thumbs massaging them and it takes a hell of a lot of willpower for her not to fall down due to weak knees.

It's also really weird and awkward when they talk about that 'something' or 'nothing' that could happen. They weren't really expecting to suddenly lose the attraction between them the minute they became 'friends', but having to still verbally tiptoe around it is aggravating.

Still, she nods slightly and tries to smile for his benefit.

"That's my girl." He says, and they look away from each other to hide their grimacing faces.

/

It's the first time he's kissed her in three months, and it coincidentally (or maybe not so much) happens in almost the exact same place.

They've been home for a week, and Christmas was yesterday. The majority of the gifts went to little Ryan, and when the older kids complained about being jipped, Nora and George made some excuse about them getting older and not caring so much about material things. They all rolled their eyes because one, they know they're just cheap and two, George was freaking out Christmas Eve because he'd misplaced his baseball cards. So much for not caring about material things.

They all stuffed themselves to death, however, and no one was really complaining after that since they simply had no energy to do so and only wanted to sleep. The lull in the house officially commenced late in the night when everyone had finally gone to bed.

They had both come down from their respective bedrooms, and found themselves in the kitchen together and weren't surprised at all at the situation. It was too much like those nights during their teenage years, where Casey would be sporting huge pyjamas and Derek in a t-shirt. Though, now she was only sporting yoga shorts and a tank top, and he was only wearing pyjama pants with no shirt. So, yeah, it was a little different. It also spelled disaster.

It's the first time he's seen so much skin since that night in his apartment, and he's in much more dire need of that water he originally came to the kitchen for.

"Merry Christmas, D." She says after getting a tub of ice cream from the fridge and sitting down with him on the stools. He smiles, and he can't help but shrug his arm around her back, gripping at her side, his fingers splaying on her skin. Shivers go up her spine and she tries to make herself think it's the ice cream.

"It's four am, Case. Christmas is long gone. But... Merry Christmas."

That right there? That made it the best Christmas she's had in a long time. No, they didn't get each other anything, and it was a rather normal holiday with the family. But she's never heard him say it to her like that before, all gentle and genuine, plus the fact that he always celebrated Derekus, but that's beside the point.

She's smiling at him, and they're looking at each other as if it isn't blatantly obvious they're staring. She leans in first, and he meets her the rest of the way, his eyes falling to her lips. It's slow at first but then it's hard, and it's desperate and they're both thinking that they've royally fucked things up but it's way too hot for either of them to care. She tastes like strawberry ice cream and traces of mint toothpaste and he can't stop his hands from running down her sides and squeezing her skin, making her arch into him.

"Fuck, Casey." He breathes into her mouth, and she's quickly losing control, feeling a blush spread up her chest and into her face because she likes it when he's less than eloquent. She reaches up to wrap her arms around his neck, pushing her chest into his and he feels like a fucking idiot because pajama pants don't do much to hide arousal, and especially his because he's pretty sure he's never been this hard in his life.

"Derek, we can't..." She whispers, but it's breathy and she's moaning and fuck his life because if he really doesn't stop, he won't be able stop certain reactions. It's been so long since he's kissed her, and she's like a fucking drug that he knows is bad for him but he can't resist. Not at all. He pulls her flush against him, ignoring her whispers of protest that sound more like she's begging him to continue until she's finally melted into him, grounding her hips against his, strangled gasps exiting her perfect lips whenever he leans down to bite and kiss at her neck.

He reaches up in between them, capturing one of her breasts in her hands and rolling her visibly hard nipple in his hand, enjoying the way her eyes flutter close and the way she's whimpering his name. He feels like he's the fucking man, because he's able to pleasure her in this way. He knows that he can make her laugh, and make her excited and make her feel confident about herself. He knows that he can get her soaking wet in a matter of seconds if he was allowed to, and he knows that he can make her happy. Derek knows that he would be perfect for her, and when he feels frustration and guilt creep up in his throat, he fists his hand in her hair, pulling her face down to his, sucking on her bottom lip before kissing her and tasting her once more.

Lifting her up, she wraps her legs around his waist and lets him carry her to the nearest wall where he pushes her up against it and rocks his groin against hers. Slipping his hand around to her front, he guides his fingers into the waistband of her shorts and slides them down her slit, which is absolutely dripping with need for him. He smirks and pushes her panties aside, thrusting two fingers into her steadily. She almost falls out of his hold, her flexibility and strong centre of gravity failing her as he pounds his fingers into her, drawing the most unbelievable feelings in her entire body. Her delicious smell wafts up to his nose, and he groans, biting at her ear and licking the shell.

"You smell so fucking good, Case. God, it's driving me crazy. I just want to... I just want to fucking eat you and taste you, just.. fuck." He grunts and feels himself getting close, and she's barely touched him. Her smooth legs are tanned and wrapped around him tightly, and he can't help but look down and watch himself touch her, and watch her begin to fall apart. He looks up at her face, a few tendrils of hair sticking to her skin, the rest thrashing madly as he drives her over the edge.

"Derek... oh, fuck." She biting her lip, trying not to moan outloud and he's instantly reminded of the last time he'd been with her, and she screamed his name until her voice became hoarse. He's stunned when she reaches down, and runs her hands down his shaft through his pants, making him shudder with want. He lifts his thumb and furiously rubs at her clit, desperately trying to make her finish.

"Open your eyes." He demands quietly, and when she does, he pins her with a stare and wordlessly asks that she never lets go over their gaze. "Come for me, Case." And as she falls apart in his arms, he feels himself come too while her hand is still stroking him, and he thinks he's just about gone over the deep end because all he can see is white and the sensations are very vivid, being imprinted in his mind and skin.

"Oh, my god." She says after a moment, her breath ragged and drawn out. Her eyes are bright, face flushed, and her lips are swollen and red. He smirks at himself for a job well done.

"Yeah, that was..." He trails off, hardly being able to breathe himself.

"Intense." She sighs, her head falling over onto his shoulder while they lower themselves to the ground, holding each other, trying to calm their racing hearts.

"Don't forget amazing, you are amazing." He smiles a little, leaning in to press a kiss on her lips. Her answering smile is brilliant, and she reaches up to cup his face, grazing his slight stubble with her thumb.

"I love you." she whispers, her eyes glittering and the wind is knocked out of him because she's never actually said those words before but they both knew. Hearing her say the words now is pretty amazing and he thinks his mind is blown.

"I love you, Casey. I really do, I-"

"But..." Fuck. His. Life.

"But what?" He feels his heart drop with dread and anxiousness. She can't do this again, she just fucking can't and he won't stand for it. His insides are raging and blood is rushing through his ears, but he manages to keep a relatively straight face and tries to listen to her.

"I'm not saying... we shouldn't do this," she gestures to their state of slight undress and their previous activities which they were both still reeling from a bit. "I mean, clearly there is tension between us and until we can work it out, we can do this, but..."

"We can't have an actual relationship, is what you're saying." He's not sure what to feel at this point. Sure, they hang out all the time and it was kind of like dating, but he's man enough to admit that he wants more than that. Even with sex included, he wants more than that. She means more than that to him.

"But Casey, don't you understand? I mean," At this point it's only 5 am and he still has to keep his voice down, even though he downright feels like yelling at her and shaking her until she gets it. "God, I don't fucking know anymore." He says, because he remembers Ryan and he remembers the last time they were there. He remembers the marriage that his dad and her mom are involved in, and the post-orgasm high is pretty much gone. He's so conflicted, and now he knows where she was coming from when she left two years ago, when she left four months ago, and why she's resisting even now.

He loves her, because she's passionate and caring. That includes being passionate about her family, and he would never want a girl who didn't have a strong sense about her family because he understands it. Marti, who he sometimes even thinks of as more of a daughter than a sister, means so much to him. And the rest of his family, even Nora and Lizzie who he's come to care about so strongly.

For the first time in six years, Derek really gets it. He's understood it on the surface, and now he's had enough wake up calls to realize that running away and ending up on an island with a litter of kids isn't going to happen. For the first time in six years, Derek feels something change within his consciousness, a subtle click if you will, that signaled the girl that is Casey, releasing the hold that she has on his heart. She's staring at him, and he meets her eyes, feeling a deep burrowing sadness at the idea of not loving her anymore. He feels sorry for her, and for himself, and for the chance they never actually had. It was so much pressure, the hiding, and the pretending for so long and he was tired.

_I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking, as we moved together in the dark. And all the friends that I was telling, all the playful misspellings, and every bite I gave you left a mark._

It was going to take some time, but he thinks that getting over her is possible. So as he pulls her against him and kisses her passionately as if it was their last one, he leans his forehead against hers and takes a breath.

"Okay." He agrees.

_Tiny vessels oozed into your neck, and formed the bruises, that you said you didn't want to fade. But they did, and so did I that day._

Casey smiles a little, but her eyes are sad because eventually the sex won't mean anything anymore. They straighten themselves out, rising up off the floor and looking towards the window as the pitch black of night begins to lighten. They had sat there wordlessly for so long, contemplating, and silently beginning the process of letting go.

_All I see are dark gray clouds, in the distance moving closer with every hour. So when you ask, "Is something wrong?" I think, "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."_

"Are you coming up?" She asks, and he wonders if she wants another round.

"No, I think I'll stay here for a bit." He replies quietly, slumping down onto a stool.

"Okay," she kisses him briefly. "See you in the morning."

She disappears beyond the double doors, and he rests his head in his hands.

/

_So one last touch and then you'll go, and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. But it was vile, and it was cheap. And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, thank you so much for the amazing reviews. I'm seeing some old faces (or names, rather) from when I wrote my first story on FF, so I'm really happy to see you guys again. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, it was my birthday and I was visiting family in my hometown. But hope you enjoy the chapter!

/

When Marti wakes up the next morning, she comes down the stairs to find her brother sound asleep next to a half-melted tub of ice cream. His brow is furrowed, and she sighs, muttering under her breath about a certain older step-sister. The house is bathed in a serene white light from the morning sun and the snow covering the trees and ground outside. She grabs a blanket from the living room, where the tree is turned off but still pretty and charming in it's presence. Walking over to the kitchen, she rounds the kitchen island and gently places it over his shoulders.

"I know, that it's hard Derek." She whispers, hoping to God that he doesn't actually hear her. "But push through this, and we can both hope that it'll all be alright in the end."

When he mumbles something in his sleep, she stiffens and shuts her eyes, hoping she hasn't made a giant mistake. She relaxes when she hears a snore and deep breathing, and shakes her head when she realizes he said Casey's name.

/

"So, I really don't think I'm going to get tired of this." Derek laughs, rolling over onto his back. They had just gotten back to Kingston, and he didn't drive to her dorm. Instead he stopped at his apartment and cut off the engine, making his step-sister or lover or friend with benefits or whatever stare at him with a raised eyebrow.

He decided he wanted to christen his bedroom, again, but with good memories (sort of) this time. Part of him knows that one day they won't be doing this anymore, and he honestly has no clue if she will be in his life forever, but he'll come back to this room and it will feel a thousand times worse than it did before.

He just can't help himself though, because he wants her and needs her.

Hours later, they're laying there in the darkness and the only sounds they can hear is each other's heavy breathing. Casey can still feel tingles in her toes and a satisfying warmth collect in her stomach, and she rolls onto her side, propping herself on her elbow to look at his face. She can't see him all that well, but she can make out his features.

She thinks 'I love him', but she doesn't say it.

Instead, she rubs his face soothingly and he understands what she wants to say but won't say. He decides that her touch does nothing to sooth the hurt he feels.

He feels slightly better when Casey decides to stay at his place for the weekend.

/

It's Monday morning, and Casey is primping her hair in Derek's bathroom, getting ready for class. He's still asleep as he doesn't have classes until noon, and while her heart aches at the thought of leaving, she definitely has to go.

It's been an amazing weekend, and she doesn't think she's ever been this happy in her life. It was kind of ironic because Derek used to make her life miserable as hell, and now sometimes when they have sex, he'll call her things like 'polly preppypants' or 'klutzilla' but in this raspy, sex-induced voice that pretty much drives her wild and only pisses her off a little bit. Then he proceeds to say that seeing her angry turns him on, and she wonders if that's why he picked on her for all those years.

She glances down at her toothbrush sitting on the edge of the sink, and then at the cup which holds his. Picking up her toothbrush, she stares at it for a moment and her hand moves in the direction of the cup and her heart begins to race.

She can't do that.

Casey pulls back, stuffing it in her holder and then into her purse.

She closes her eyes, and shakes her head at herself. First it would be her toothbrush, then her clothes, and then her life - which didn't work before, and they won't let it work now.

Derek is outside the door, leaning against the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He shakes his own head, because all of this is just stupid.

He can't watch her anymore, he can't watch her pull away from him when he never had her in the first place.

/

It's the night of his 21st birthday at his apartment, and he has a bunch of icing on his face because some drunk guy dared him to dunk his face in the cake. Really, who has birthday cakes at 21? Luckily, Casey is on his lap licking it off for him and giving his friends quite a show. (He's kind of freaking out because Casey is usually the lady on the street, freak in the bed type). It'd be a different show entirely if anyone actually knew that she was his step-sister, much less a girl he's only fooling around with. He's never actually said the word girlfriend to anyone of course, but everyone knew that he was completely whipped and therefore assumed they were dating.

There is one friend though, who notices an underlying sadness in Derek's demeanor. It's not to say that this sadness is obvious, but she's gotten to know him well enough that she sees it.

Casey is smiling at him, telling him that he's officially clean and he grins back at her, squeezing her side and whispering words of thanks. He catches someone staring intently at him from the corner of his eye, and he looks over to find Laurie giving him an inquisitive look. He raises his eyebrow in return, and wonders if there's something wrong.

He doesn't know the girl extremely well, but he met her soon after he got to Queen's. At the time, he was still reeling from Casey's sudden departure and wasn't necessarily a happy camper. He had buried himself in his schoolwork and didn't go out very much at all. Laurie sat beside him in kinesiology and eventually she asked if he wanted to study together. Part of him was aware that she probably had feelings for him, but he couldn't find it in him to even really care at that point in time.

He wasn't kidding when he told Casey that she ruined him.

Derek would meet up with Laurie every couple of weeks to go over the material, and by the end of the first semester, he was really grateful to her because he had done well in the class (and he also resents her, because he misses the way Casey used to study with him, but he doesn't tell her this of course).

They haven't had a class together since first year, but they still managed to keep in touch. This is the first time he's seen her this year, and if he's honest, he's a little happy to see her. She was one of his only friends in first year before he realized he needed to stop thinking about Casey (which he never did) and start enjoying university (which he did eventually).

"Hey, Case, sorry about your cake." He bounces her on his lap a little, and she shrieks, grasping onto his shoulders.

"It's okay, as you can see I came prepared." She sticks her tongue out at him, and he smirks.

"That you did. Hey, I'm gonna go talk to some people." He squeezes her one last time, and he absentmindedly thinks he acts way too much like a boyfriend and needs to stop, lest she freaks out on him again.

"Sure, D. I'll clean up a bit." She smiles, and he shakes his head. What was it with the McDonalds cleaning up while the party was still going on? He'll never know.

He makes his way over to Laurie, who's just finished talking to one of their mutual friends and she's sipping some lame champagne Casey got.

"Hey, what's going on over here?" He leans up against the wall next to her, taking note of her appearance. She's got these big blue doe eyes that he's sure she's used to manipulate people before, and dark chesnut hair past her shoulders. She looks nothing like Casey, and he's always found that refreshing about her. She just looks natural and sweet, and Derek suddenly feels at ease. She grins at him, moving closer to him and he wonders if she still has a thing for him. He wouldn't be surprised, he is the man after all.

"Hey Derek, happy 21st. Does it feel any different?" She has this little smile playing about her lips, and as an afterthought, Derek's surprised when he doesn't immediately compare them to Casey's. But, that doesn't really mean anything.

"Can't say it does, honestly. It's only a big deal because it's like, ooh legal, in the states but-"

"Ontario is far too awesome and let's us do that shit earlier, right?"

"Right." He laughs, and he wonders why he doesn't hang out with her more often. And okay, he's not stupid, he knows why.

"So, are you doing okay? You seem sort of off." Laurie sounds concerned and Derek feels concerned about the situation because who the fuck actually reads people that well and should he be scared right now. He looks directly at her, and it feels like he wants to vomit but he's not that drunk yet. He hasn't had anyone to talk to about his shit, and he feels like maybe he should, vent some of those demons or whatever.

"Oh, it's you know, this and that. School and stats class - don't ever take that class, it's evil." He's dead serious and she has to laugh.

"Got it, don't take stats. So, just school's bothering you?"

At that moment, Casey comes over and Derek instinctively wraps his arm around her. Laurie smiles at her, but then glances at Derek's face and winces because she's just realized what's actually wrong with him. Maybe not specifically, but it definitely had something to do with this girl.

"Casey, this is Laurie, she was in my first year kin class. Laurie, this is Casey and we're uh, we're hanging out." He grins, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Casey chuckles and jabs him in the side.

"Hi I'm Casey, you'll have to excuse Derek, he's not very articulate sometimes." She shoots Derek a playful look. "We went to high school together." She says, and Derek feels like he's been cheated because hello, it was clearly much more than just going to school together.

"Oh nice," Laurie replies, nodding. "I bet Derek was just a joy then." Her tone is dry and sarcastic. Casey's grin is brilliant, causing Derek to pinch her discreetly.

"He made my life a living hell," She responds, and Laurie looks amused. "If you'll excuse me, I think some rowdy boys are about to break the china." Casey is gone before either of them can say anything.

"You have china?"

"Fuck no. She's just kind of obsessed with it."

"Ah, I see. So... we should get together sometime, you know, catch up." Laurie walks over to the couch where she'd thrown her jacket, and shrugs it on. Derek looks over at Casey reprimanding two sorry looking grown men, and then he returns his gaze to Laurie.

"Yeah, sounds good. Thanks for coming, babe."

As she's walking away, she throws a smile over her shoulder and Derek feels dread creeping up in his stomach. Should he feel guilty, and why? He's not attached to anyone, certainly not Casey, she'd made that clear and he agreed wholeheartedly (that's an exaggeration). Besides, maybe Laurie really just wanted to catch up and there was nothing else to it. Raising his beer cup to his lips, he drinks away the empty and troubling feelings inside of him.

/

Two weeks later he walks into a Timmies because he hasn't had an iced cappuccino since summer and he has serious cravings for one. Those things should be illegal according to how damn good they were. It's almost midterm time again, and he'll do just about anything to calm his nerves down. Well, Casey tried to get him to do yoga with her and he asked if he has to hand over his gender at the door, to which she was replied something or other about him being uncultured and an idiot.

"I'll have an apple fritter, please." The voice breaks him out of his thoughts, as it's familiar and he's surprised he's actually seeing her here because he never sees her on campus. It's at that moment he remembers that they used to frequent this particular Timmies (there are like, ten of them on campus) in first year. He doesn't think about why he chose this one, since there was one closer to his previous class.

"Laurie! What's up?" He says, looking down at her. She looks up after being handed her pastry, and she grins.

"Hey Venturi, I'm just grabbing something before I go home."

"Nice, nice. Yeah, I'm totally buggin' about midterms, that's why I had to get an iced capp." He says, sipping at the delicious beverage with his straw. She's got that look on her face again, like the way she had looked at him at the party, and he tries to make his face blank of emotion but to no avail.

"Did you watch Clueless again, recently? I mean, who says 'buggin'' anymore?" She's trying not to laugh and he's trying not to remember the contents of the movie, or when Casey had almost ruined their drinking date (night) by mentioning it. The grand conclusion is that she's immediately picked up on his behaviour and he's fucked.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, and she sounds genuine but he's not sure how much he can trust her.

/

"It's totally fine if you don't want to say anything about it, I mean, it's just nice hanging out with you again."

He's sitting on her couch in her small apartment that looks like Barney's friend TJ or whatever exploded all over it because everything has green on it. He doesn't really know why he agreed to come with her to her place, he just felt the impulse to. Not even Casey knows where he is, and he wonders if it's a given that she has to know, or if it doesn't actually matter and he's not doing anything wrong.

"Well, yeah. It's just, I don't know, complicated?" He tries, and she's handing him some toast with nutella (where has this girl been all his life?).

"Tell me what isn't complicated." Laurie sighs heavily, before joining him on the couch and folding her legs. She steals a half of his sandwich and he gives her a dirty look.

"Um, everything but my life is uncomplicated, trust me."

"You actually sound serious, you didn't like, murder someone did you?" Laurie says and her expression is a little bit more than priceless.

"No, but I should kill you for assuming I'd be capable of something like that. No it's nothing like that, it has to do with Casey." As soon as he says that, there's a dead silence and he's waiting for her to react. The sun has just set and darkness is spreading into the room. The plate of bread crumbs is sitting on the coffee table, and they can both hear the clock ticking behind them.

"Okay, I knew that much. You're pretty transparent Venturi."

"Says the girl with weird sensing powers that probably aren't good for mankind." He replies dryly, running his hands through his hair. Maybe he shouldn't be doing this, talking about Casey this way, and with another woman no less. But Laurie is there, and she's always been there, he's just kind of ignored her as of late. Now she wants to listen, and a big part of him wants to talk.

"So, what's the deal? I'm not majoring in psych, so you won't have to worry about me psychoanalyzing you." She says, and he doesn't really appreciate the sarcasm she's putting on. He can't begrudge her though, she has no idea what he's going through, yet.

"It's like this... um," Thousands of thoughts and memories and feelings are going through him, and the most prominent one is hurt and loneliness. God, he might as well get a sex change with all these girly feelings he's been having. Laurie doesn't say anything, and waits for him to continue, making herself more comfortable on the couch.

"Basically, well, Casey is my step-sister." And he holds a breath, again feeling like he's talking to a wall because Laurie doesn't react.

"But you guys are ... you know."

"I know."

"So why..."

"I can understand if it's hard to swallow, but I only met her when I was 15, when our parents got married. We really hated each other at first, but there's been feelings there for years now."

Laurie takes a deep breath, and glances down at her pants, picking at a random piece of thread sticking out.

"Okay, and so, you obviously acted on those feelings but I'm assuming there's more to the story?"

He stands up, walking over to the less than real fireplace, and resting his hand on the mantle. His heart is racing because he's never told anyone this before, and so far it wasn't so bad. Maybe what he felt about Casey wasn't a crime and maybe he wouldn't have to feel so bad about wanting her.

"Two and a half years ago, it all kind of exploded. I kissed her, and we admitted all the girly bullshit and we basically did... you know. But then she left for two years to go dance professionally in New York. That's why—"

"That's why you were a complete wreck in first year, yeah, don't think I didn't notice." Laurie sounds sad now, her voice thicker and less dry with sarcasm than before. She's not sure what to make of the situation, but it seemed like Derek was in deep and there were certain issues he's been dealing with by himself this entire time.

"Yeah," Derek scoffs. "I was a goddamn wreck. I saw her on campus during welcome week and it was fucking weird to say the least, I mean, our dynamic was still intact but then all the hidden subtext over the years wasn't hidden anymore and right in our faces. " His voice is beginning to raise, but Laurie figures that he needs to let it out, and perhaps her neighbours can get a show or two in before bedtime.

"We had promised that night two years ago that nothing would ever happen again, because you know, we have the same family and all." Now his voice is just bitter, and she winces, beginning to realize the gravity of the situation.

"Wow, that's... that's a lot of baggage dude. So how come you guys are all lovey dovey now?" She feels like she's entered some German soap opera by how crazy this is getting. But she knows Derek, and has known him for almost three years, he's not weird or strange, he's as normal as guys can get. Arrogant and oversexualized.

"We went home for Christmas, and we were like, really good friends for a while, but then we ended up fooling around and figured, fuck it, why even try if we can just get it out of our systems and go on our separate ways."

"That's rough man."

He finally looks at her, and he smiles slightly because she's not pressuring him, she's just listening and not criticizing.

/

Casey's at an impasse. In one way, she does have a right to be jealous because she's involved with Derek to some degree and it's not exactly 'involved with' material to be hanging out with another girl every week. However, sometimes 'involved with' doesn't suffice in whether one has actual 'rights' to a person, and hell, she's a woman of the 21st century and 'rights' to people shouldn't and don't exist.

So yes, she's at an impasse and she has no idea of what step to take next. She's not in love with what she's doing with Derek, yeah, they have an amazing sex life and things are wonderful on the surface, but underneath the surface, they were both hurting. They were sneaking behind their family's back, and it's not like when they were teenagers and wouldn't felt cool doing that because it's rebellious. Now they're older and more mature and realize the implications of their actions.

But they just can't help it. They tried and failed and that was the truth of the matter. More than just that, they both wanted so much from each other, they wanted to live together and spend every waking moment together, and do things that serious, committed boyfriends and girlfriends do.

However, she's not his girlfriend.

And he's certainly not her boyfriend.

She made that clear.

Now, she can't take back her word because she is a woman of her word and two, yeah, her family. So she'll do what she was raised to do, talk to Derek in a calm and rational manner and come to a rational conclusion that pleases both parties. It _always _works.

/

It's been two months since he's been hanging out with Laurie, and the school year is almost coming to a close. He feels like he can tackle exams without losing control of all his bodily functions and that means something. Hanging out with her makes being with Casey easier, just being able to talk everything that's going on helps a lot and he finds himself feeling so thankful to her that if she ever needed anything, he thinks he would do it in a heartbeat.

Part of him finds it a little sad that he can't talk to Casey herself, because it just makes everything tense and awkward and no one likes that.

It's the last day of classes, and Derek invites Laurie over and figures that won't be a problem since it's not like Casey has a key (and why should he be worried about that anyway?). She's brought a 6 pack, and again, where has this girl been all of his life?

"To the end of third year!" She announces, and they knock their bottles together, the clanking sound ringing throughout the apartment.

"Ah, that's refreshing. You know, I don't think I could've survived without you this year. It feels like first year all over again." He jokes lightly, and he looks over to see her staring at him.

She's always been a pretty girl, there's no denying that. But he'd never been attracted to her before.

Before now.

Clearing his throat, he stands up and sets his bottle down on the coffee table. His back is turned to her, and when he finally breathes a bit, he turns to find her in front of him, staring and thinking. He swallows.

"Is there something wrong?" He asks, and his voice is barely above a whisper. He feels like anything could break this moment, and suddenly, he doesn't want anything to.

"Something just occurred to me." She says, and her voice is all quiet and breathy and his mouth goes dry.

"And what's that?" He moves in an inch closer, and there are warning bells in the back of his mind, but he doesn't want to listen.

"That you want to kiss me right now. That if you do kiss me, you'll feel like you're in control again. Instead of her." Her last sentence is short, to the point, and not even bitter; Derek finds himself agreeing with her.

Taking a deep breath, he looks into her eyes, gathering her hair in his fingers.

"Laurie, you know that I..." He trails off, and she nods, and he hopes to god that she knows what he means.

Her lips are soft, sweet and with a slight bitterness from the beer. He begins to lose himself in the kiss when the doorbell rings. They separate, but their hands are still on the other, dazed expressions upon both their faces.

"If that's Casey..." he says, breaking the silence.

Laurie nods, shrugging off any sad expression she had moments ago. "I know." And her lips are sealed.

Moments later, Casey is up the stairs and Derek opens the door for her. She enters the room, and the feeling is tense, she feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up when she eyes Laurie sitting on the couch.

Derek's face is slightly flushed, and his lips are red like when they've just kissed.

Casey is not as surprised at what she's witnessing, but rather the emptiness she feels in reaction to it. Did this mean she just didn't love him anymore, why she can't even bring up any tears or words right now? It's then when she feels an acrid burn building in her stomach, and making her sway on her feet as the nausea hits her.

Derek is now looking at her with a shell shocked expression, knowing that he's been caught.

It's been silent for five entire minutes and no one has said anything. Casey looks him in the eye, and shakes her head solemnly, before making her way down the stairs.

They're both waiting for the sound of their heart breaking, and are surprised to find that perhaps their hearts had been separated long ago, hanging by a thin thread.

Laurie's just done them a favour and severed it.


End file.
